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02 February 2009 @ 07:01 pm
Save me from having a full fledged panic attack  
Okay, so my grandpa came home from the doctors today to check on his cancer. They wanted him on Chemo like right this second, but he was all ah no. So they gave him something to take for a few months. They want him on chemo no later then June though. This of course, freaks me out. My living situation isn't like that of others. I live with my two elderly grandparents, both of whom have problems. Grandpa with his cancer and kindey problems, and grandma with her Alzhiemers. I don't have parents that I can turn to for help our guidence. So, I mean what the fuck am I supposed to do if something happens to my grandpa? I'm trying to go to school so I can get a job as a teacher, but if she gets really bad, who will take care of her? I am loathe to have some strange woman come in and keep an eye on her, so that leaves her sisters.

I don't want to have to send my grandma to live with them, so that leaves them to come down here to stay and maybe trade off. I dunno. I'm just freaking out because I don't know if my grandfather is strong neough to handle chemo and hang in their for us. I don't know if my grandma is strong enough to survive without him. I don't know if I'm strong enough to survive without THEM.
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
lovemeeko on February 3rd, 2009 03:28 am (UTC)
Caregivers and nursing homes are available for a purpose, not to rush the elderly to their graves. My grandmother used to live in a nursing home in Costa Mesa. It was really nice, like a luxury apartment building.

Having a nurse come by your house to bathe and check on your elders is not the end of the world, it happens everyday.

Freaking out is not a solution. Just make up your minds on the best plan so when the time comes, you don't have to think about it. If insurance will pay for home care, get that then. Better then moving~

Ashley Brownladydemando on February 3rd, 2009 03:41 am (UTC)
if it comes down to it and I have to move, I'll have to move. Unfortunately we don't have a 'set plan' we are still talking about all our options. We want to wait until my grandma gets back from her mini vacation on Saturday, because this is something we all need to agree too etc
sirena_siren on February 3rd, 2009 04:17 am (UTC)
I'm with Lynleigh, My Grandparents in England lived for many years in their own home (Grandma had some dementia {like Alzheimers}, and Grandad had serious heart and lung issues.) They lived for many years taking care of themselves for a large part with the care of a nurse who would stop by to make sure they had their meds, and things were tidy, and even prepare meals. They didn't even have the benefit of a live-in grand-daughter to help them too.

I think once you agree on a plan, you'll feel better. But Lyn is right, don't discount a caregiver... it's not like you have to hire someone off the street you can take your time and interview as many as you may need to until you find a good fit. With everyone looking for jobs now a days, I'll bet you'll have your pick!
Ashley Brownladydemando on February 3rd, 2009 04:22 am (UTC)
I know. I'm just freaking out because to me this feels like the beginning of the end, and I don't want it to be. You know how close I am to my grandparents, my grandma especially. I'm not ready to give them up.

Of course I can be over reacting and they can give a big middle finger to their health issues and live a long time. This is what I'm obviously hoping for, but when all is said and done, under all the other fears I have of 'what will I do without them?' is 'I dont want to be alone' I'm scared of being alone. I know I'll have my friends and all, but at the same time I'll be alone...and I don't want to be
Lily: Peace! Peace!phavorianne on February 3rd, 2009 05:12 am (UTC)
What terrible news! I'm so sorry to hear it. I'm sure there's something you can work out, but even so, I understand that it's going to be emotionally straining for you. I hope for the best for you all!
Meonyxmoon on February 3rd, 2009 06:32 am (UTC)
Anna: faeriekarmaisspecial on February 3rd, 2009 08:30 am (UTC)
I'm so sorry to hear you're going through an extremely stressful situation right now--and even that's an understatement. =(

I also would not discount a caregiver just yet. My grandfather had a stroke a few years back and since has had a lot of trouble, mentally and physically, and my dad and aunts had all already moved out and had families--in another country too, no less, since my grandpa's in Greece still. but my grandpa's developed a good relationship with his nurse since. I think with the right person it could work out really well. Generally, people in that profession are very nice and caring. I think your concern and general nervousness about the whole idea is perfectly understandable though. It's a big decision and a big change to adjust to.

Of course, I hope your grandfather gets better soon and you don't have to worry about it at all. Wish you all the best. <3
intotheheart: peace love understandingintotheheart on February 3rd, 2009 10:56 am (UTC)
I know it's hard, but in many ways a caregiver can help them maintain their dignity with you. When my grandmother had pancreatic cancer, at times she was so weak, it was difficult for her to sit down and get up off the toilet seat on her own.

I personally think that by having the nurse in the house, there was a sense of normalcy and dignity retained throughout her illness, because her own children and grandchildren were not the ones to help her through some of the more undignified aspects of growing old and disease.

It'll be hard, but your grandparents know that you're strong!
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